how can u be prego again
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
