I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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