They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
