My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
