Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
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I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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