i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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