I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Randomize
