just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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