I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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