she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
