If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
