Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Randomize
