i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize