I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
