What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
