If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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