bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
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there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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