onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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