i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
And the cops told us we were all naked.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Do you have feelings for this penis?
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