No stitches, just platelets and will power
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
