whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
