I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
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