I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
