When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Randomize
