i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
