Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I have aggressive nipples.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
