I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
