I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize