Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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