I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
