2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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