shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
