the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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