we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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