You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
