Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
