if you like me you must not know who I am
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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