when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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