Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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