take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
