She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
