if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
