I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
