Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
The beer is more important than you right now.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
