I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
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