My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
so much tequila, so little girl.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
