i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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