I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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