ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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