happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
