so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
