I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
