Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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