Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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