you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
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