Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
