answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
