After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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