i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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