i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
how does that bad decision feel?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
