Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
