i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
