guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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